If You Visit a Sex Worker, Consider Using Carrageenan Lube

The advice I should have offered in 2006

The first ten prompts threw content warnings

I’ve never visited a sex worker. I don’t have major moral objections to the practice, but nature conveniently built me with an overwhelming inclination toward strict monogamy - and my marriage is coming up on 30 years.

If something changes and I decide to start having sex with strangers, I’ll apply all of my professional research findings to my outside activities. I’d get a dose of the updated Gardasil-9 HPV vaccine, I’d ask my doctor for HPV DNA testing at my annual physical, I’d go on PrEP, and for good measure I would slather myself with a sex lube that uses a food-grade seaweed extract called carrageenan as the principal gelling agent¹. Here’s the relevant paragraph from my 2006 publication:

Some, but not all, carrageenan-containing over-the-counter sexual lubricant gels we tested were extremely effective for blocking the infectivity of an HPV16 reporter pseudovirus in vitro. These results raise the possibility that use of such lubricant products, or condoms lubricated with carrageenan-based gels, could block the sexual transmission of HPV. However, in the absence of clinical efficacy data, it would be inappropriate to recommend currently available products for use as topical microbicides.

After my recent experiences with vaccine beer, it makes me cringe to read my own words. I now realize it is highly appropriate to recommend that people consider using carrageenan lube as a possible way of defending themselves against HPV.

An FDA-supervised randomized controlled drug trial has recently shown that carrageenan is safe and at least somewhat effective for preventing HPV infection. In parallel, carrageenan also remains on the market as a generally recognized as safe (GRAS) food and cosmetic ingredient. In other words, carrageenan simultaneously exists both as an FDA-compliant food ingredient and also as a candidate for FDA drug approval. Which of the two categories a given carrageenan product occupies is dictated solely by whether any medical claims are printed on its label.

It is ethically sound for physicians and scientists to tell people about scientific results indicating the type of health effects various food and cosmetic products might plausibly be expected to have, even before possible risks and benefits are conclusively proven. In fact, it would be unethical to obscure such useful scientific knowledge from public view.

I hereby apologize for my inappropriate use of the word inappropriate. As penance, I am appropriately recommending that, if you sleep with strangers, you should consider using a currently available carrageenan lube product. Because why the hell not.

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Song of the day: I’m a strict monogamist, but I’ll confess to sometimes harboring crushes.

1. Would anybody recommend that I consult institutional ethics committees about my “work-related” human subjects “research” experiments? If the answer is no for my bedroom then the answer should also be no for my kitchen.